5 Lessons You Can Learn from the Tinder Swindler
Watching the Tinder Swindler reveals that so many women believe in finding a rescuer to give them love.
So many of us women want to be swept off our feet by Prince Charming. However, without learning to love ourselves, we will end up giving ourselves away in relationships that will teach us to come back home to ourselves.
I have been there in the past myself before I embarked on the healing journey.
The reasons we seek for love outside of ourselves is due to lack of self-love.
Here are 5 lessons you can learn from the Tinder Swindler:
- Love is not about fairy tales: Fairy tales are birthed out of lack of self-love and conditioning from fairy tale movies. This allows you to create an ideal partner/persona who is based on fantasy and illusions but not real. You begin to look for the happily ever after without creating a happy place in your own life.
“If you don't love yourself, you won't be happy with yourself. If you can't love yourself, you can't love anyone else. You can't give the love you do not have. You can't make anyone love you without loving yourself first.” ―
- Love is not about unhealthy emotional attachment: Unhealthy emotional attachment happens too fast and makes you feel like you have known the person for so long. This is trauma bonding - you develop butterflies, and your emotions begin to run wild.
"Love is not based on unhealthy emotions but deep soul connections and you will never feel rushed. Conscious and healthy love is built overtime not overnight." - Kemi Sogunle
- Love is not transactional: Your partner will never require that you give what you don't have. Transactions carry an expiration date.
Having unrealistic expectations create transactional relationships that leave you lost in your own world.Read this: Love is Not a Transaction.
- Love is not consuming: If you find yourself being emotionally consumed by your relationship, you will end up losing yourself in the process. Understand that love will never require that you lose yourself but support your growth and purpose.
“If your relationship is draining your energy, making you lose yourself and taking your attention away from God, then you are not in a relationship but a cult. You are busy creating an idol (mini-God) for yourself.” ―
5. Love is not controlling, manipulative or materialistic: The Tinder Swindler used controlling and manipulative tactics to lure the women into taking action through gifts and trips. There were a lot of red flags that were ignored. The gifts created a transactional relationship that made the women want more.
Understand that you cannot give what you do not have. Most of the women gave money they didn't have but were borrowing to buy love (transactional relationship). The women also did not evaluate their relationship goals and requirements but had idealized the partner and went by the outward appearance while ignoring the red flags.
To avoid falling in love and ensuring you are seeking the love you deserve based on your relationship goals and requirements, vet the potential partner. Don't fall for what you see on the surface. Material wealth is not equivalent to true love.
Read this: The Difference Between Falling in Love and Loving Someone.
Learn to meet your own needs so you won't have to wait on someone to meet them. Know exactly what you are looking for and don't rush in based on emotions but connect to the soul. If it feels too good to be true, it is infatuation and lust...not love.
Understanding your emotions is also key to knowing the difference between falling in love and loving someone.
Read this: Is it Love, Lust or Infatuation?
Ready to learn how to love yourself and build on a healthy relationship? Schedule a complimentary session with me or learn more about coaching programs I offer.
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