How Co-dependency Can Often Result in Self-sabotage

Co-dependency is something we all learn as a child. We learn to cling to our parents, friends and family members including those we are in a romantic relationship with. In the case of a romantic relationship, if the relationship ends, the co-dependent partner suffers more pain and feels betrayed.

We become co-dependent and sometimes label ourselves as ‘selfless romantics’ when we have had our bout of feeling unloved, rejected or neglected as a child (and sometimes as an adult).

Lack of self-love can lead to co-dependency

Lack of love, experiencing rejection and feeling neglected as a child usually create a void within. We begin to long for love and develop the longing for affection and attention.

This is often what leads to love addictions and obsession. You find yourself chasing, begging or pleading a partner who treats you badly to stay in your life. You do not recognize your self-worth or value.

We see ourselves as having to try to rescue others and take responsibility for their bad behaviors by defending them.

“True love will never require you to lose yourself or become disrespected.” – Kemi Sogunle

The more we become co-dependent, the more we will self-betray/self-loathe on ourselves. We tend to focus on hosting pity-parties and seeking validation from others (forgetting that you are already validated).

Read the Difference Between Attachment and Love

We cannot continue to accept responsibility for other people’s pain or bad behavior. You cannot continue to accept bad treatment and perceive it as being okay. We must learn to trust ourselves and not give our power away.

To become co-dependent, will allow you to empty your cup and become burnt out, resentful and bitter. Being co-dependent may not allow you to experience true love and wholeness. It will also affect your self-esteem.

Know the Difference Between Falling in Love and Loving Someone.

It will only allow you to attract more pain and become emotionally dependent on others. It will result in acceptance of chaos and emotional instability, lack of true love in your own space and a feeling of emptiness frequently.

Take care of yourself first

Accept that you cannot save everyone. Find yourself and love yourself deeply. Learn to respect and honor yourself. Learn to set boundaries and meet your own needs. Realize that when others do not treat you right, it is a reflection of who they are not who you are. Do not take things personal but see each experience as a learning tool to empower yourself and build healthier. The healthier you become emotionally and mentally, the healthier your mind and soul become and the better you will attract to yourself.

Learn about how to develop a healthy relationship by coaching with Kemi.

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