The Difference Between Attachment and Love

Have you ever wondered why you met someone and suddenly there is an instant click between you? It may seem you have known this person forever. You seem to be drawn to him/her and it appears you are becoming closer and closer as days go by.

Have you run into an ex and you feel you still got a spark or two for him/her? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you may be attached but not in love with your friend, ex or potential partner.

The lines are blurry between the two.

Attachment stems from infatuation, lust and imaginary thoughts of a romantic relationship. It can sometimes be hard to distinguish between attachment and love especially at the early stage of a relationship.

Caring for someone and wishing the best for him or her, though seem like the real deal but may often lead to attachment than love itself. The feeling of wanting to be with him/her all the time or talking almost all day is a sign of attachment than it is of love especially at the beginning of the relationship.

Having nostalgia about an ex and wishing you were still together even though the relationship ended on a sour note, is a sign of attachment to your ex. Your emotions are still tied to the relationship but you must learn to control your emotions than allow them to control you.

Love is a positive action while attachment is an emotional fixation on someone whether from your past or someone you just met. In the case where you both recently met, the looks may lead to attachment, as you tend to focus on that than on anything else. You love someone and you both can tell you love each other. In the case of love, there is no selfish gain and you can easily be comfortable with yourself when your partner is not around you. You understand each other deeply and respect each other’s space and time.

Attachment however, leads to selfishness, wanting your partner to yourself alone. You become possessive and obsessive about him/her.

Time alone without may seem as time spent cheating than doing the necessary things your partner needs to do alone. You become suspicious of every move your partner makes when you are attached. Love however, is not interested in sneaking and snooping around but trusts that your partner is where he/she claims to be, doing what he/she needs to do (without you being there) and patiently waits for the time to be with each other.

Attachment arises from loneliness, emotional deficiency, desperation to be with someone as well as external problems due to either watching other couples or seeking for attention due to physical attraction. Attachment usually leads to hurt/pain while love leads to healing and completely acceptance of who you are without force, being devoted and committed to each other (among other things), irrespective of what you may face along life’s journey. If you find yourself becoming attached, take a step back and re-evaluate your condition, work on yourself and learn to be alone until you are ready for love.

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