Kemi Sogunle - Certified Life and Relationship Coach

Have you been caught up in the sweet words?

You listen to the sweet words, focus on the good looks, let the words mix with your emotions and you think it is love. You may just be hiking on a freeway without necessarily knowing where it will lead you. Do you really want to swim in the ocean without taking swimming lessons?

Who does not want to date a good-looking man or woman? Everyone wants to be with an Idris Elba or Haley Berry.

Would the looks alone be sufficient? Could it be infatuation or lust lurking?

You sometimes find yourself focusing on the physical appearance, you get carried away by the sweet words and your emotions are all shooting through the roof creating a volcanic eruption of fantasy. You think you have found the Prince Charming or your Goldilocks. You wake up with so much enthusiasm and just want to grab the phone and make a phone call. Yes, all you desire is to hear your partner's voice, first thing in the morning and last thing at night. The text messages come in all day and the butterflies in your stomach keep rising. All your emotions escalating within the first two weeks of meeting him or her.

It could all be infatuation and lust and not love. You may find yourself being extremely vulnerable and gullible to the empty words you have longed to hear from someone for so long. Your expectations have suddenly become unrealistic and it did not take long for you to be let down by your emotions...you discovered your partner was not who you thought him/her will be.

Maybe all you need to know is how to differentiate between lust, love and infatuation.

Infatuation is an intense feeling of attraction and sometimes coupled with sexual feelings. It happened that you were attracted to the man or woman you just met. The conversation awakened your emotions and you got carried away. You began to fantasize about romantic escapades. Your focus suddenly had gone from eyeball to eyeball, to roaming and evaluating the curves and crevices. You started to have obsessive thoughts and all you wanted was to have him or her all to yourself. The phone calls, text messages, social media monitoring intensifies and you just cannot stop wondering what he or she is up to next.

Your infatuation suddenly turns into lust and you begin to imagine both of you having sex. Maybe you had kissed once or twice, touched each other but never got down to the whole nine yards. Those feelings suddenly left you wanting for more and now you find yourself exchanging nude pictures and getting down to sexting and sex conversations.

You see, lust and infatuation are 'wants' and are short-lived. It is like craving while pregnant. You just want to have that thing and you will do everything to get it. You have become so enticed and obsessed that you even sometimes do not mind lying to have a bite from the piece of cake. The apple may be going bad but you still want it. Does this sound like you?

Lust and infatuation only lead to hurt, usually leaving you with a broken heart. You may find yourself apologizing and begging to be with someone when it is just lust and infatuation. It is all due to the obsession and emotional entanglement. You obviously were not paying attention but the words coupled with emotional plateau led you to fall for lust and infatuation. They both go hand in hand and are partners in crime. Lust and infatuation sometimes reveal how insecure you are with yourself.

The difference between love, lust and infatuation is clear.

"Love will never require you begging for attention or affection." - Kemi Sogunle

Love is freely given and it speaks for itself. Loving yourself first will help you identify love when it shows up at your door.

Love does not obsess or long to possess by force.

Love is not selfish and will not sneak or monitor everything you do. Love allows you to trust each other even when you are not in close proximity. If you have to keep, snooping to monitor your partner’s activities on social media or by location, then you may be infatuated and lusting after him or her.

Love respects. The respect you have for each other is equal. You both value each other’s time together and when apart. You both know what you have is worth it and priceless.

Love is built on solid foundations of trust, protection, selflessness, care and compassion, loyalty, honesty and much more.

Love allows you to share values and have mutual understanding of each other’s needs.

Knowing the difference between love, lust and infatuation, will prevent you from falling for empty words, differentiating your wants from your needs, stop you from settling for less than you deserve and most importantly allow you learn to know your value as well as take the time to love yourself first. Self-love sets the pace for any relationship you will have or may currently have. Without knowing what you need, you will end up settling for temporary wants and hurting yourself more. Take the time to love yourself, appreciate yourself, embrace your flaws and living for you before trying to love someone else.

The more you love yourself, the less you will become entangled with infatuation and lust.