Love Is Not a Transaction

We often think that we must give love and receive love in return but the truth is that when you really love yourself enough, you would not have to ask for love, it would be freely given to you.

You may say, “How is that possible?” Self-love is the first step to loving anyone and it has to start with you loving yourself. When you do not love yourself enough, you will keep asking your partner if he/she loves you.

Below are some pointers that will help you understand why love is freely given without expecting anything in return:

1. You Know How to Truly Love Yourself

Self-love involves being kind to yourself. It requires that you protect yourself from getting hurt. You have to learn to trust yourself without keeping any record of wrongs from the past and seeing everyone in the light that you see yourself.

You are able to tell yourself the truth without remaining in denial, even when the truth hurts and you have to face reality. You do not boost or talk down on others. You have also learned to become selfless. By becoming selfless, you are able to give without expecting a return or attaching sentiments.

2. You Accept Yourself the Way You Were Created You are able to accept yourself and your flaws without thinking of anything wrong with you on the inside. Love is an inside job but is often mistaken for an external job. It does not look at just the beauty but sees the soul, the character and embraces all including the flaws of the other party without being judgmental. As you embrace your flaws, you learn to work on them knowing that they only lead and teach you about growth needed.

3. Your Partner Truly Loves Him/Herself

If your partner has also experienced self-love, he/she is able to express love freely without you asking if he/she loves you. Love is an action. Love not revealed and not expressed naturally is forced love. When someone loves you, his/her actions and demeanor shows it all and you will not need to ask a thing! Your partner, as a sign of the love you both have and share, must show affection coupled with love.

If you have to ask your partner how much he or she loves you, you are in for a transaction. You are battering for an exchange in return for what you are giving. You either give it willing without expecting nothing in return or not give it at all. The reason why we believe we must always be rewarded, is that we set unrealistic expectations based on the “conditioning” we taught ourselves or were imbibed from childhood.

You must however, discard all these notions to experience love first. The love you have, is the love you give. The love you do not have will only get you hurt or broken when you start to ask for it. Love will never change no matter whom you are with. It is a constant and it is indeed a beautiful thing. Never stop loving while living...when you stop loving, you stop living!

This material is Copyrighted. Copryight©2015 Kemi Sogunle. All Rights Reserved. Excerpt from  “Being Single: A State for the Fragile Heart.”

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