A Few Reasons Why Spouses Cheat
- By Kemi Sogunle
- In Blog, Dating, Marriage, Relationship, Single Life
Has your bedroom flavors gone sour? Do you find yourself putting on granny "jammies" that send your spouse in the other direction?
You may be sending your spouse out to cheat if you answered yes to both questions. We sometimes overlook the little things that lead to spouses venturing out on a cheating spree. The simplest issues left unresolved can send your spouse out in the woods especially in these days of social media influx of singles seeking to find a man or woman to be with. Here are a few reasons why spouses cheat:
1. You Relationship Started Out with Lust
You both met on lustful basis and sex was the dominant factor. You both hardly had time to know each other and most of the time when you met, you were more focused on having sex than talking about other aspects of the relationship. Sex was initially very good and satisfactory. Things have however changed, you no longer have it good as it used to be. It has become routine and boring. There isn't anything new to explore. You've worn each other out of the same old ritual.
2. Communication Gone Bad
Communication between the two of you is no longer what it used to be. You hardly communicate and maybe there was never really communication since your relationship was focused on sex initially. You may have also started to talk down on each other especially since you are beginning to drift apart.
3. Lack of Understanding Each Other
You both never really understood each other since your relationship was started off with sex. There was no time spent on getting to know and understanding each other. You are now finding out that there wasn't actually any form of compatibility in the first place. It was just sex that brought you together. It was lust and infatuation and not really love. The connection between both of you is now lost.
4. Lack of Unresolved Issues
When there are unresolved issues that trigger off arguments frequently in a relationship, it becomes a turn off especially for the man. He starts to spend more time with his friends and prefers to return home to sleep rather than get nagged all day by his wife.
You can still find ways to revitalize and rekindle your relationship. It will require both of you spending quality time to get to know and understand each other, improve on your communication skills. If you have children, this will be a good time to get a nanny or have a relative watch them so you both can spend quality time on finding how to reconnect with each other. Try not to raise your voices when trying to resolve pending issues. Learn to agree to disagree and finally agree. Your relationship shouldn't be about one person winning conversations all the time but about you both agreeing to what will work for your interests.
Having children shouldn't stop you from firing and lightening up your bedroom skills. You need to take time out and go on dinner dates. Start dating each other all over again and communicate while on your date nights to find ways on improving what is missing in your relationship. As a woman, never think because you have the man to yourself, you can now stop looking sexy. Some women believe that after having children there is no need to work hard on looking good except when there is an occasion such as dinners or weddings. The truth is that your husband dated you and part of the attraction was your sexiness and appearance. Why give it up now?
Don't go wearing granny jammies or overalls. Wearing a bonnet at night can also be a turn-off for some men. Find what turns your man on and what will bring the romance back to your bedroom. Sex should not be confined to the bedroom either. There are other rooms within the home. You can kick off the night by setting the pace with some music, candle-light dinner and exploring each other. Allow your spouse to explore your body and discover your soft spots.
Change the dynamics of sex by trying something new that you both can enjoy while alone. Don't just have sex and go off to sleep. The best time to initiate a conversation as couples is often after sexual intercourse. Find out what your partner enjoyed most and how you can improve in the areas pointed out. Use the opportunity to also talk about existing issues that can help boost your communication. Find ways to connect with each other in terms of recreational activities.
Get involved in each other's work and engage in some house chores together should you have children that need attention and leaves one partner worn out. Set aside time weekly to build on your relationship by going out on date nights and spending time on outdoor activities. You also need to give each other space for having "me" times. Try spending some time apart so you can enjoy what you like to do as individuals. Doing this often will help you avoid choking each other up. Finally, connect with each other spiritually by spending time to pray together. This also helps builds a closer bond of love.
Remember, doing things that will drive your spouse to cheat is not what you really want but rather ways to improve on your relationship by not comparing what happens in some other relationship with yours but focusing of finding ways to resolve issues amicably and spending time to know and understand each other as you grow into one another.
[This material is copyrighted. Copyright © 2014, Kemi Sogunle. All Rights Reserved.]
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